Have you ever noticed how frustrating and confusing the fiendish little obstacle we call uncertainty can be? Does not knowing the outcome of something drive you to distraction, or worse, stop you dead in your tracks? Well, you’re definitely not alone!
These uncertain times are reported in every news cycle, strategized in boardrooms, and dissected daily in conversations with my clients.
One of my clients, Sara*, is right in the thick of several MAJOR transitions. She recently confided that she felt “wedged inside a mind-destroying sandwich of uncertainty”. Sadly, I’m not surprised, here’s why:
Regardless of the transition we deal with, uncertainty has a characteristic energy that affects how we experience it. That energy is typically an emotional reaction to what we DON’T know – those outcomes or circumstances that are unidentified, mysterious, unfamiliar – the dreaded UNKNOWN.
Best-selling author, Brené Brown, sketches this when she describes today’s popular view of uncertainty in her book Daring Greatly:
“Yes, we are in the torture chamber that we call uncertainty.”
“You are halfway across a tightrope, and moving forward and going back are both just as scary.”
So, although we’ve perhaps inherited our ancient ancestry’s ‘fight or flight’ tendencies regarding uncertainty; what if we choose a healthier, stress-free approach to it? What if, despite its inherent difficulties and our natural wiring, we could outsmart it?
Here’s the thing: When certainty and the ‘need to know’ is our only focus, we block any potential wiggle room for the excitement, adventure or possibilities that the unknown might present. What if we were wired for those things instead? In her book Rising Strong, Brené Brown suggests we surrender to it:
“Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty.”
Not everyone fears uncertainty. Some embrace it with curiosity and view it as a path to new possibilities; as an invitation to grow, experiment and step outside their comfort zone.
However, given the natural fear of uncertainty, some of us might prefer to opt for dental extractions rather than being vulnerable and surrendering! If that’s you, I totally get that! Let’s face it, we can all relate to that tunnel vision that pops up when we’re unsure of our next step.
Reminding ourselves that this is a matter of choice can shift our negative emotional reactions into a calmer, more realistic experience.
Even confirmed decision-makers can be stymied by uncertainty! Uncertainty stirs up feelings we’d all prefer to avoid – a sense of paralysis, helplessness, futility and failure.
That’s exactly where Sara is. She’s rooted in place, feeling stuck and unable to move forward. With big decisions hanging in the balance, the key is how she chooses to BE with her ‘unknowns’ because her circumstances aren’t going anywhere!
What about you? How do you choose to be with your own uncertainty? Have you made the choice to fear it and fight it, or do you want to find a way to make peace with it?
If you’re anything like Sara, who is nervously planning to venture into the unknown; “ just a few, tiny steps”; here are some ideas to consider to get you started:
1. Acknowledge that we’re all predisposed to resist uncertainty.
Know it’s normal…. but don’t let that determine your choice or perspective.
2. Uncertainty always has more than one point of view.
It’s almost impossible to even imagine potential possibilities when we’re consumed by worst-case scenarios.
Examine your perspective for potential blinders and look at your history: Remember that you’ve made a ton of successful decisions throughout your personal and professional life without always knowing the outcome.
3. Trust your instincts and your capacity to pivot when nothing is obvious and everything is still largely unknown.
Take stock of what you know and what you don’t know, where you have control and where you don’t. This exercise clarifies what’s missing and highlights your next immediate focus.
4. Stop and breathe (seriously!).
When we have a demanding need to know… fear, anxiety and vulnerability can sneak in.
Become VERY present. Admit that right now, you don’t know. And that’s okay because you will figure it out. That’s what you do! You’re smart with a great track record. This is all the proof you need when you’re steeped in doubt.
5. Accept that you don’t have all the answers. None of us do. How freeing is that?
Give yourself permission to let go of any ‘need’ to repeat previous outcomes or to live up to expectations of what a current outcome ‘should’ be.
Why not invite creative problem solving, fresh ideas and delightfully unexpected accidents, instead?!
6. Practice Self-Compassion.
Surrendering to uncertainty is a big deal! It demands vulnerability, courage and trust. It means getting out of our heads with all the ‘what-if’s and welcoming new ideas instead.
Hey, I get it. It may feel like a lot to ask when you’re a DIY, get-it-done-ASAP kinda girl…. But, as I’ve said before Bella, one step at a time.
Whew! Now that we’ve taken a good look at uncertainty, it really doesn’t need to be so daunting. It’s flip side offers us a wider view, including potential, possibility and promises.
Much like the future, uncertainty is something we cannot predict. Why not choose to cozy-up to uncertainty and learn how to tolerate its moods? And hey, it’s okay if you decide to only dip a toe in to start. Either way, kudos to you!
*For confidential reasons, not client’s real name
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