If you’ve ever weathered an unexpected disruption, huge disappointment, or devastating event in your life, you know how it feels when sh*t hits the fan and you’re left standing in the mess of some kind of change, right!?
Well, in my last blog I shared how most of us R.E.S.I.S.T. change…
And revealed an important distinction between change and transition.
I also, introduced the 4 stages of transition we ALL go through when change happens in our lives:
Stage 1: The Cliff (Sh*t Happens)
Stage 2: The Forest (A New Path)
Stage 3: The Meadow (Loving Life)
Stage 4: The Hills (Living Life)
In case you missed that last blog, you can read it here.
It’s full of valuable insights and tips to help you navigate change and transitions quickly, productively, and successfully! And it will bring you up to speed and give context to today’s topic, the second stage of transition, The Forest.
Let’s dive in!
The Forest (A New Path)
This stage of transition represents healing and “figuring out”. The full impact of a change – and the transition toward a new path or direction – still isn’t fleshed out or totally clear.
The Forest is at the very heart of the transition journey…. It’s here that we take time out to heal emotionally. We assess, take stock, and evaluate our options.
In this stage of transition, we ready ourselves mentally and emotionally to transition from what’s ended as a result of change, to what will be our new direction. Maybe it’s a shift in the nature of a relationship, career, project, goal, or simply one aspect of something that’s changed.
The Forest gives us the space to wander, explore, and figure out the pieces of the puzzle of what was (before the change), and what is to come (a new path and new normal).
The Forest can feel unsettling in the beginning. When so many of us are wired to prioritize higher productivity, it may not feel like we’re moving forward when we pause to lick our wounds and assess options for a new direction.
But rest assured, we most certainly are!
We find CLOSURE with what we’ve lost or what’s ended. And, we become mentally and emotionally willing and motivated to start exploring what new direction we want to take.
That’s a lot of work!
When we’re in The Forest stage of transition, we turn inward to reflect from a place of:
…Curiosity.
…A sense of purpose and hope.
…And restored energy and healing.
Ahhhhhhhhh… The seeds of a new plan and direction begin to percolate!
[A CASE STUDY] MEET EILEEN – A dynamic, vibrant corporate VP of Marketing
With Eileen’s permission, I am sharing her journey in this 4-part series, and breaking down each stage of her transition. A quick recap of Eileen’s back story:
When we met, Eileen and her husband were still in couple’s therapy to repair their marriage.
She wanted me to help her move forward from all the fallout. Eileen didn’t want the affair impacting her work or taking centre stage in her daily life as it had been.
For her story so far, catch up here! Now, let’s continue with her journey….
Eileen – In The Forest…
Entering this stage of transition in a state of healing, Eileen’s thoughts turned inward with more curiosity. Thoughts like:
What if…?
What do I value as most important?
What would make ME happy?
I’m ready to climb out of this mess!
What do I need to do now?
Having now wrapped her brain around the reality of her husband’s affair – the lies, the betrayal, the cheating – Eileen’s acceptance that it happened, and how it would impact the kids, helped her discover a new strength and freedom.
This unlocked a glimmer of hope that kept her upright and moving forward.
This hope harboured some of her darker feelings:
…No longer in a black hole, but still feeling unsteady and not completely back in her skin
…Uncertain (what can she safely rely on?)
…Loss of trust
…Loss of direction or life centre
…And that relentless fear of the unknown (What’s going to happen? To me? What’s best for the kids? How do I recover from this?)
Her “work” in The Forest stage was learning to live in her bubble of uncertainty while focused on self-renewal.
And to test drive new ways to “be” with the impact of the affair – for herself, her kids and her marriage – until she was able to decide what she wanted to do. Should she leave him? Stay with him? What about the kids?
Unexpected breakthroughs marked the end of this stage of transition for Eileen.
Her husband’s affair shattered Eileen’s exceptionally trusting nature so that trusting anyone or anything, became a crippling hurdle for her.
With affairs, it’s typical to fall into a mindset trap and think:
…Why didn’t I see the signs?
…How could I not know?
…Why did I believe him, EVER?
…What else is a lie?
…I should have known better.
It was a game-changer when we uncovered that Eileen had also lost trust in HERSELF.
This breakthrough empowered Eileen! She created new boundaries to safely trust herself again by placing the betrayal of trust on her husband’s actions and choices, and not hers.
Her new perspective on trust turned out to be a “get-out-of-jail” card…. For both Eileen and her husband.
The hourly check-ins she’d imposed on her husband to monitor his whereabouts were a constant and heavy reminder of the affair.
Empowered to trust her decisions, she chose to stop the check-ins.
For Eileen, this was huge, scary and freeing.
But, she was on her way to rebuilding trust!
Not only that, she surprised herself with a new goal: Explore what the process of forgiveness might be like for her. Forgiveness might not be top of mind for other women in the same circumstances, but became an important choice for Eileen.
To recap, Eileen implemented some definite action steps by the end of this stage.
Maybe not the gargantuan steps she was typically used to taking, but most certainly paving a path forward:
- Exploring her self-identity and beliefs
- Adapting to the reality of working through her husband’s affair – figuring out and testing how to do that, so it feels right
- Making time for self-care and renewal to maintain her energy
WHAT ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU IN THE FOREST RIGHT NOW? MAYBE A LITTLE LOST?
Her husband’s affair was a life-changing event for Eileen. The change you might be facing is probably different, yet still difficult. Maybe yours is…
- A different kind of relationship upheaval
- A serious health diagnosis (yours or a loved one)
- A major lifestyle shift
- A challenge nobody “gets” or that is too private to share
- A major disappointment after reaching a dream goal
- An unexpected failure
- Life reassessment
Guaranteed, we’ve all experienced change and transition that sends us into The Forest! For most of us, multiple times.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE IN THE FOREST
Each stage of transition has its own continuum. We arrive in a particular stage in one state, and we evolve into something else by the time we move to the next stage of transition.
Expect to experience a range of thoughts, feelings and behaviors in whatever stage of transition you’re in.
Here are the most common ones that pop up in The Forest stage of transition:
Like Eileen, you might think…
- What now?
- What if…? (the kind with options for the future)
- What do I value most? What ARE my values?
- What would make ME happy/happier?
- I’m ready to climb out of this mess! (ie…find a solution, make a decision, start over)
At first, you might feel…
- Acceptance – with the change that has occurred
- A bit lost with no clear direction
- Unsettled – at odds with your circumstances or still coming to terms with what’s changed or changing
- Scared of the unknown
- Unproductive – not getting traction or adapting as fast as you’d like
And by the end of this stage, you might feel….
- A sense of progress – with some tiny wins under your belt
- A sense of hope & motivation
- A new sense of purpose
- Resilient
Your (re)action might be to…
- Step out of your comfort zone of what “used to be”
- Take time for healing & self-renewal
- Focus on assessing, evaluating & exploring what the change means
- Test how to adapt to the changes with a few small action steps or short-term goals
- Figure out the best way forward
If You’re In The Forest, Try This Next Baby Step!
When you’re in this stage of transition, it can feel a little uncomfortable or unsettling in the beginning as you take stock of your life or circumstances.
I want you to know that whatever you’re thinking, feeling and doing, it’s perfectly normal.
This time out – for reflection and self-renewal – cannot be overstated enough! It’s necessary time, well spent.
It heals and releases the residual negative energy brought forward from the previous stage of transition, The Cliff.
…the fear
…the anxiety
…the limiting beliefs
Each a massive roadblock keeping you from taking even small action steps toward moving forward, unless – and until – you deal with them.
To find your way out of The Forest, the BIGGEST next step is to take some form of action.
Just start. Anywhere…
It doesn’t matter if you merely dip a toe in, set a tiny goal, do some researching or exploring, or create a rough action plan.
What matters is that you start!
Guaranteed, you’ll leave The Forest on a brand new path, armed with the seeds of an action plan and much clearer direction. Renewed energy and strength, bounce-back resiliency, plus a sense of purpose and hope will carry you right into the next stage of transition!
Learn all about that next stage – Stage 3, The Meadow (Loving Life) – in my next blog, coming soon! Plus, get the inside scoop on my client Eileen, as I continue to share her journey.
Stressed by changes happening in your life? Unsure what to do? I’ve got your back.
Book a FREE Clarity Chat with me on my calendar by clicking this button.
Are you experiencing a difficult change and transition and feeling stuck? Find yourself lost in The Forest?
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Tell me how you’ve experienced change and transition in your life.
What resonates most for you about The Forest? Leave me your comments in the space below (and thanks for sharing!).