What’s your reaction to change? Do you love it? Hate it? Do everything to avoid it?
Change in itself evokes uncertainty. Whatever our beliefs about change, one thing is definite: Change happens to everyone whether we like it or not!
At the heart of all change – whether it’s happy or difficult – is some sense of loss. No wonder we resist change!
Today’s unprecedented changes – climate, government, family structure, workplace, technology – demands we be more adept at dealing with the transitions these changes bring to our lives.
NEWS FLASH! CHANGE & TRANSITION ARE NOT THE SAME THING
People often use these two words interchangeably. They are DIFFERENT, and the distinction is important:
CHANGE is when something occurs – an event or situation – like committing to a new goal, a relationship change, career switch, lifestyle shift, and so on.
TRANSITION is how we manage that change – the thoughts, feelings and attitudes we grapple with and how we react.
Clients come to me with all kinds of difficult, personal challenges – including a change they’re contemplating or one that has already occurred in their lives. It’s that transition – as a result of change – that’s at the core of the work we do together.
Let’s face it, change and transition is no picnic.
It’s my belief that understanding what’s happening – and knowing how to navigate the fallout from change – is critical if we are to get through it quickly, productively, and successfully. My clients and I create that transition roadmap together.
THE 4 STAGES OF TRANSITION WE EXPERIENCE WHEN DEALING WITH CHANGE
Each stage has its own characteristic terrain to navigate, whether we’re aware of it or not. I call these stages:
The Cliff – The Forest – The Meadow – The Hills
Or more precisely…
Stage 1: The Cliff (Sh*t Happens)
Stage 2: The Forest (A New Path)
Stage 3: The Meadow (Loving Life)
Stage 4: The Hills (Living Life)
Knowing which stage we’re at helps remind us that we’re… N.O.R.M.A.L!
It helps us identify where we are right now, what to expect next, and where we might be tripped up or feel stuck.
Our attitudes and beliefs about change impact how we react to change.
Understanding how we process and adjust to change helps to minimize the bumps along the way. And when we know better, we make better choices.
The ultimate gift, and best surprise of all, is personal transformation!
[A CASE STUDY] MEET EILEEN – A dynamic, vibrant corporate VP of Marketing
When we met, Eileen was still coming to terms with her husband’s affair. Although they were in couple’s therapy to repair their marriage, she hired me to help her move forward from all the fallout.
Eileen didn’t want the affair impacting her work or taking centre stage in her daily life as it had been.
During of our work together, Eileen’s journey through all 4 stages of transition brought her to where she is today, happier in her marriage and more connected than ever with her husband.
With Eileen’s permission, I will be sharing her journey in this 4-part series, and breaking down each stage of her transition. Today, I’ll take you through Stage 1, The Cliff.
The Cliff (Sh*t Happens)
This stage marks the end of something – a job, relationship, project, goal, or simply an aspect of something for example. It can be a successful ending, or a failure.
Whatever the ending, it becomes a defining pivot point where the cycle of transition begins.
Yep, this is the stage when sh*t happens…. What “was” is over, and what “will be” is yet to unfold.
The Cliff is stressful and unpleasant – even if the change is one that we’ve wanted – because we are saying goodbye to familiar aspects. How will we manage being outside our comfort zone?
Ready or not, when it happens, we come face to face with a loss of some sort.
Each stage of transition has its own continuum. We arrive in a particular stage in one state, and we evolve into something else by the time we move to the next stage of transition.
When we find ourselves at The Cliff, we can be in shock, confused, or distressed. Stuff sucks or feels bad, so we usually do what we can to resist the change that so rudely presented itself.
As the shock and impact of what’s happening wears off, we inevitably turn inward to hibernate or cocoon. This precious time allows us to assess the reality of the situation and get the lay of the land.
What’s over? What’s left? What do we let go of? What do we keep?
Eileen’s Cliff
Eileen’s Cliff was her husband’s affair. When we met she was still sorting through its impact and questioning how to move beyond the resentment, confusion and pain.
Typical for this stage of transition, her thoughts turned inward.
Why me?
I just can’t deal with this!
I have to move on, but how?
I can’t tell a soul about this, it’s too humiliating.
And there were tons of What if…?
With two kids and a successful reputation to protect, Eileen was in constant damage control to keep her circumstances and affair private.
Lurking below this high level coping, her feelings were all over the map – anger, betrayal, mistrust. Fear of the unknown and being vulnerable were huge obstacles for her.
Her “work” at this stage, on The Cliff, was to “be” and to “process” all the thoughts, feelings and crap that surfaced for her – emotionally, mentally, spirit-wise.
And she did this beautifully…
Eileen’s closure, at the end of this stage of transition, came from the self-reflection and “cocooning” that took place. She was able to assess more clearly exactly what was “over”, what needed to be let go and put in the past, and what she wanted to keep, moving forward.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT’S THE CLIFF FOR YOU RIGHT NOW?
Eileen’s was the affair, your cliff hanger might be…
- A different kind of relationship upheaval
- A serious health diagnosis (yours or a loved one)
- A major lifestyle shift
- A challenge nobody “gets” or that is too private to share
- A major disappointment after reaching a dream goal
- An unexpected failure
- Life reassessment
Guaranteed, we’ve all experienced change and landed on The Cliff! For most of us, multiple times.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE AT THE CLIFF
Here are the most common thoughts, feelings and actions that pop up in this stage of transition:
You might think…
- I’m not ready for this.
- Why me?!
- I have no clue what to do!
- I have no one in the world to turn to.
- I hate XX!
You might feel…
- Scared, uncertain; lost or disoriented
- Hopeless and pessimistic; sad or depressed
- Alone and isolated
- Frantic, blindsided or in a state of shock
- Tired and lacking energy or motivation
- Grief and loss
- Frustrated or angry
Your (re)action might be to…
- Resist and deny the change – ignore, avoid, procrastinate – and take little to no action.
- Dwell in the past of “what was” or “could’ve/should’ve been”.
- Stay stuck and unable to come to terms with the circumstances.
- Go into coping mode simply to get by.
Try This Next Baby Step if You’re at The Cliff!
When you’re in this stage of transition, it can feel like you’re starting over in one or more aspects of your life.
I want you to know that it’s perfectly normal to be at The Cliff. Whatever you’re thinking, feeling and doing there, it’s perfectly normal too.
Acknowledging any fear, anxiety, doubt and loss, is needed to release the toxic, negative energy that keeps you from moving forward.
To get yourself off The Cliff, the biggest next step is to give yourself the time and space to reflect, lick your wounds and begin to heal.
Only then will you be ready to open the door to new and different possibilities.
This too shall pass. You’ve done it before and you’ll do it again. I promise, Bella. In my next blog (coming soon!), I tell you more about Eileen’s journey and Stage 2 of transition, The Forest (New Path).
Stressed by changes happening in your life? Unsure what to do? I’ve got your back.
Book a FREE Clarity Chat with me on my calendar by clicking this button.
Are you experiencing a difficult change and transition? Maybe even at The Cliff?
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Tell me how you’ve experienced change and transition in your life.
What resonates most for you about The Cliff? Leave me your comments in the space below (and thanks for sharing!).