Is life so hectic you forget to take care of yourself? Too absorbed with goals, deadlines, and all those other excessive tasks you heap on yourself? Performing the sandwich-generation shuffle, caring for kids, and aging parents?
Me too! We’re all so busy pouring passion into our loved ones, our work, and striving to always outperform in everything.
Yet, that pesky little inner voice asks ‘What about ME? When will there be time for ME?’. A sure battle cry reminder that our dance with love is sliding into a rabbit hole. When we love and give and keep on going – to an unhealthy extreme – that usually means:
….We’ve got no energy left for ourselves; or
….We’ve simply run out of time for ourselves; or
….We’ve forgotten – and maybe never even thought – to put ourselves on our list in the first place!
Sound familiar?
From an energetic point of view, when our dance with love shifts, that love we pour into our kids, partners, parents, friends and work, becomes less intentional. The way we give and care becomes somewhat robotic, less genuinely engaged, and more like obligation.
We – and our dance with love – can become depleted, empty, and even resentful.
Who wants that?
But, we’re human and it happens. It happened to me last Fall….
Yep, I hit that wall. While editing a professional video I’d done, I barely recognized myself! My voice was flat and I had NO energy. I was literally MIA in my own video.
Actually, it wasn’t just the video. I was MIA in my own life! I was shocked to realize just how truly off track I was, and how so much of me had disappeared in the process.
In hindsight, everyone and everything I’d poured my love and energy into – before hitting that wall – never truly got ALL of me. The pure, intentional joy I get from giving and caring for others and the work I do, had shifted into a near mechanical state.
My dance with love shifted so much, it flat lined!
That’s when I chose to make my self-care non-negotiable. It was time for me to take better care of myself; to slow down, and refocus on how I want to work and live to be fully engaged – without burning out.
I have to tell you [cue the angel harps], it’s been a transformational, life-changing experience! I’m happier, more energized and am functioning better than I have in years!
What about you – has YOUR dance with love shifted?
If it has – even just a little bit – I urge you to avoid that rabbit hole and make your self-care non-negotiable.
Here’s help….
MY 10 ESSENTIALS FOR NON-NEGOTIABLE SELF-CARE
1. WRITE or JOURNAL – A judgement-free brain dump to clear your head. Write down any thoughts or feelings that are top of mind, or troubling you. Getting them out of your head, releases them. Even 15 minutes is cathartic!
2. MEDITATE – A three minute mental vacation is a great start: One minute to close your eyes and relax your body; one minute to focus solely on your breathing; one minute to let your thoughts and feelings just be, without any judgment or pursuit.
3. BE HEALTHY – Move your body daily even if it’s only 5 – 10 minutes of stretching, walking or taking the stairs; eat nutritious food; strive for 8 hours of sleep; keep up with medical and dental appointments.
4. CONNECT – Don’t isolate from family and friends! Seek out the Bffs and loved ones who support, lift you up, and make you laugh.
5. UNPLUG & BE STILL – Schedule quiet time to think, daydream and just BE, without any attachment to your thoughts or surroundings. Perfect to do with your morning coffee, or out in nature. Even setting aside a few minutes 2 – 3 times a day, helps to combat stress and decompress.
6. FIND FUN – The goal here is to play. Take “play breaks” throughout your day or schedule a play date with yourself to do something that makes you happy: Read comics, watch funny videos or comedies, be creative (colour, draw, paint, write poetry, play an instrument, sing), play board games, visit museums & art galleries, play tourist, take a fun class, do a solo day trip somewhere fun or do a getaway weekend with friends.
7. GROW – A “get out of jail” free card for life-long learners! Give yourself permission – and the luxury – to research, learn and read something that inspires or interests you (work or otherwise) without guilt or time pressure.
8. DEDICATED RELAXATION – Pamper yourself at a spa; spend time in nature or gardening; nap; have a PJ day; take a long bath with candles; leisure read whether it’s magazines or a book; enjoy a favorite movie; listen to music.
9. CREATE ORDER – Declutter to make room for routine, ritual, and deliberate habits (home & office spaces, your purse, your car; your agenda (daily, weekly, monthly goals); maintenance appointments – home & personal); remove non-urgent tasks or projects from your to-do lists; create a “don’t do” list with habits that keep your self-care non-negotiable (ie. No work after 7pm weekdays and on weekends).
10. MINDFUL MINDSET – Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and actions around your self-care. Stay curious when self-care habits take you outside your comfort zone. Acknowledge and celebrate your victories. Flip negative beliefs and give yourself permission to create a self-care plan – it’s smart, not selfish. Create non-negotiable boundaries, but leave room for flexibility and non-attachment. Ask for support or accountability when needed.
I’ve done a lot of work on my self-care since last Fall! Today, not only do I make it a daily practice, but I have some favourite self-care habits I do weekly and monthly that keep my life fully rounded and balanced. Psst… Read Part 2 of this blog for a deep dive into my exact step-by-step self-care implementation checklist!
So bella, if you want to change your dance with love, make your self-care a non-negotiable priority.
Try these 3 self-care starter tips if you just can’t imagine finding the energy or time for one more thing in your day!
- TIP #1 – Baby Steps: To start, choose one new self-care habit you can do every day without overwhelming or exhausting yourself, even on your busiest days.
- TIP #2 – Momentum: Take intentional and deliberate steps to find the time to make self-care a daily habit.
- TIP #3 – Consistency: Make self-care a priority on your to-do list. No exceptions (that’s the non-negotiable part!).
The net-net? Making your self-care non-negotiable is one of the best anecdotes to stress.
Give it the attention it deserves; the attention YOU deserve!
Try it! You’re in for some amazing benefits – like being fully engaged in a life you love with better productivity and less stress!
Is focusing on everyone and everything else draining the life out of you? Is that creating major stress for you, maybe even burnout?
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Stressed, but curious about making self-care your new non-negotiable? I’ve got you.
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Let me know what you think of the 10 essentials for non-negotiable self-care.
What great non-negotiable self-care habits will you make first? Leave me your comments in the space below (and thanks for sharing!).
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head when you talk about getting to that depleted state where giving and caring becomes heavy and mechanical rather than joyful and light. That really resonated for me. I’m looking forward to Part 2 and hearing about the steps you took to get to a more engaged state. Thanks!
@Kate Strickland, you’re not alone. Reaching that depleted state can happen quickly (and without realizing it), particularly for women. In Part 2, I’ll be sharing some great tips to avoid that! Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it.