Finally back on track and happy after going through a lot of crap? Yay YOU! Take a deep sweeping bow, because the sweat equity that takes, is an AHHHmazing accomplishment.
The truth is, transitions come loaded with rich life lessons and if you’ve been through some really tough sh*t, the sweet victory of T-R-A-N-S-F-O-R-M-A-T-I-O-N….
Welcome Bella, to the dynamics of living life in The Hills, and today’s topic.
This is the final blog in a 4-part series that unpacks the 4 stages of transition we ALL go through when change happens in our lives:
Stage 1: The Cliff (Sh*t Happens)
Stage 2: The Forest (A New Path)
Stage 3: The Meadow (Loving Life)
Stage 4: The Hills (Living Life)
If you missed any of the three previous blogs, no worries! Click the links below to catch up.
Stage 1: The Cliff (Sh*t Happens)
Stage 2: The Forest (A New Path)
Stage 3: The Meadow (Loving Life)
You’ll love the valuable insights and tips inside each link! They’ll help you navigate change and transitions more quickly and smoothly.
Plus, they’ll bring you up to speed and give context to today’s topic – the fourth stage of transition, The Hills.
Let’s roll!
The Hills (Living Life)
This stage is when our new ‘normal’ makes its debut in real life. Maybe that new path, direction, or plan is a shift in the nature of a relationship, career, project, or goal, or simply one aspect of something that we’ve changed.
This is the IMPLEMENT – INTEGRATE stage of any transition journey, or what I call “Operation: New Normal”.
We FINALLY get to implement, test drive, and tweak – in real time! – the plans we crafted so carefully, earlier in The Forest and The Meadow.
The Hills are a positive and dynamic stage of transition.
By now, we’ve embraced CHANGE and entered a new comfort zone.
Some aspects of who we are, and how we show up, has changed – our self-awareness and insight, self-identity, values, perspectives and beliefs….
We’re excited, enthusiastic, and throw all our energy into ensuring our new direction succeeds.
The Hills give us the space and time to process and integrate every step we envisioned – and some realities we didn’t. Hey, that’s just the stuff of life with any well-planned new ‘normal’….
SPOILER ALERT!
THE HILLS ARE A METAPHOR FOR LIVING LIFE. THE TRICK IS HOW WELL WE MANAGE THE DICHOTOMY OF LIFE’S UPS AND DOWNS
So, let’s get real….
When we first hit The Hills, we’re so frikkin’ glad to be here, we usually arrive in that euphoric, honeymoon haze. You know… when everything’s fireworks, unicorns and rainbows? THAT!
And then, well, we’re NOT.…
Because the reality of life’s ups and downs, twists and turns set in, and have their way with us….
“After enlightenment, the laundry” is a wonderful zen proverb that beautifully describes how the honeymoon phase starts to wane, and the reality of life in The Hills settles in.
It’s a gradual process….
When our new ‘normal’ eventually becomes familiar, that shiny, new upgrade in life simply dims, and becomes the norm.
And we may – or may not – venture back to The Meadow , The Forest, or The Cliff.
All perfectly normal, and that’s okay Bella, because guess what?
Once in The Hills – with or without all the rainbows and unicorns – we’re at a whole new level.
It’s another exciting layer of insightful wisdom and growth! There’s been transformation, remember?
So, living life in The Hills IS about fireworks, unicorns, and rainbows… all mixed in with the ups and downs of a REAL life.
Since The Hills are home base for most of us, how lucky are WE to be gifted with all that?!
[A CASE STUDY] MEET EILEEN – A dynamic, vibrant corporate VP of Marketing
With Eileen’s permission, I’ve been sharing each stage of her transition journey in this 4-part blog series.
When we met, she and her husband were in couple’s therapy to repair their marriage. While they continued therapy, I helped Eileen move beyond the affair and supported her with a customized Roadmap to VictoryTM.
If you missed any of Eileen’s story, catch up now! Start here and find out what landed her at The Cliff. What happened next, is here, when she was in The Forest, and finish here for what transpired in The Meadow.
Now, let’s continue with the last part of Eileen’s journey….
Eileen – In The Hills…
Eileen’s headspace was focused on how excited and eager she was to finally be LIVING her new ‘normal’. Thoughts like:
OMG, I want to be this happy FOREVER!
This is so exciting! What’s next?
What else do I need to do to stay on track?
This ‘newer’ marriage isn’t quite 100% yet, but we’re getting there!
Still full of anticipation and adventure from The Meadow, Eileen entered The Hills feeling high on life.
…Until the bloom of that honeymoon phase faded, and reality gradually set in.
When plans went awry, or differences with her husband turned into fights, Eileen’s trust and vulnerability issues resurfaced.
As they would for any of us, Eileen’s go-to FEARS showed up. Big time….
Her feelings of self-doubt and self-sabotage were back like long-lost buddies:
…Was she kidding herself (he betrayed her once, how can she trust him, really)?
… What if I can’t totally forgive him after all?
… If we can’t make this “new” marriage work, what then?
Eileen’s “work” in The Hills was the same as any of us in this stage of transition: To breathe REAL life into our new ‘normal’ by taking action to implement, integrate, and sustain what’s new or changed.
For Eileen specifically, that first meant living life day-to-day:
… Forgiving and trusting her husband
… Keeping the affair and her “old” marriage in the past
… Weekly “dates” and fun family time with the kids
… Honest communication
… Being vulnerable
To SUSTAIN her new ‘normal’ and manage the day-to-day ups and downs, and twists and turns of life, Eileen mastered the art of GOING WITH THE FLOW by:
…Celebrating her victories at the The Cliff, in The Forest, The Meadow, and now in The Hills living her new ‘normal’ in exactly the way she wanted.
…Appreciating her resiliency and resolve to overcome a devastating affair.
…Practicing flexibility, ease and gentleness as a form of self-care.
… Embracing her self-awareness, stronger identity, and sturdy new values and beliefs.
… Choosing a positive perspective to reframe thoughts, feelings and actions that trigger her, or get in her way.
…Managing what she can control and releasing the rest.
Like all my clients, Eileen’s transformation never ceases to inspire me. Today, she and her husband remain married, happily. She shared with me that the most pivotal experience she gained from the affair was to wake UP! And to change what doesn’t work in her life by making conscious, empowered choices.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU IN THE HILLS RIGHT NOW? BACK ON TRACK WITH YOUR NEW ‘NORMAL’? HAPPY AND LIVING LIFE?
Rebounding after the affair was Eileen’s journey to The Hills. Yours might be different. Maybe you’re rallying back from…
- A different kind of relationship upheaval
- A serious health diagnosis (yours or a loved one)
- A major lifestyle shift
- A challenge nobody “gets” or that’s too private to share
- A major disappointment after reaching a dream goal
- An unexpected failure
- Life reassessment
Guaranteed, we’ve all experienced change and transition – most of us, multiple times. We usually make decisions and choices that do get us back on track and happy in The Hills.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE IN THE HILLS
Expect to experience a RANGE of thoughts, feelings and behaviors in whatever stage of transition you’re in.
That’s especially true in The Hills. This is usually our home base, and when we’re in transition, it’s where our highest highs jockey with the day-to-day realities of life.
Characteristics most common in The Hills stage of transition:
You might think…
- This is so exciting! (ie. new solution, decision, direction)
- What do I need to do to stay on track?
- Great! What’s next?
- How can I find the time to do all this?
- What if I fail?
At first – during the honeymoon phase – you might feel…
- Excited and energized
- Sense of peace, purpose, and fulfillment
- Sense of control
- Productive (implementing and integrating that new ‘normal’)
After the honeymoon phase – living life day-to-day – you might continue to feel the same as above to varying degrees, and/or you might feel…
- Less certain or confident
- Self – sabotaging (resistant, avoiding, procrastinating, distracted)
- Mixed emotions when plans go awry
- Disappointed when the euphoria of the honeymoon phase fades
- Tired and uninspired by the mundane of daily life
- Scared of failing or being inadequate
Your (re)action in this stage of transition might be to…
- Actively implement, integrate, & sustain what’s new
- Manage the day-to-day ups and downs of life with varying degrees of success or struggle
- Strive for ease and flow to minimize the stress of daily challenges
- Practice self-care & awareness to support your values, beliefs and goals
- Choose perspectives that overcome self-defeating patterns & reframe what gets in your way
Try This Next Baby Step if You’re In The Hills
In this positive, dynamic stage of transition, you’re living life. You’re back on track from that challenge or whatever sh*t happened that sent you to The Cliff, The Forest and The Meadow.
What a sweet victory! Think of all your hard work, and the transformation you’ve had, all to get here!
But… The Hills can also present disappointments, setbacks, and new challenges.
Depending how well our new ‘normal’ comes together, our new reality may – or may not – be loaded with triggers.
Know that wherever you are in The Hills, you’re in the perfect spot. Whatever you’re thinking, feeling and doing, is perfectly normal.
Celebrate that you’re IN The Hills, and how far you’ve come!
The three previous stages of transition – The Cliff , The Forest, and The Meadow prepared you well! Acknowledge all the crap you’ve let go of and all you’ve achieved on this journey:
… That crucial “time out” for reflection and self-renewal.
… That healing and making sense of fears, anxiety, limiting beliefs.
… Breaking through difficult triggers and roadblocks that initially kept you from taking action.
… Intentionally implementing and integrating that new ‘normal’ you’re now living.
…That comfort and control of being back on track and living life!
Your BIGGEST steps now? Three yummy ones, I promise!
STEP 1 Take your VICTORY LAP, Bella! (Celebrate all you’ve done to be living your new ‘normal’).
STEP 2 ENJOY AND LEVERAGE your time in The Hills. (Why not? We’re here, until we’re at The Cliff, or trekking through The Forest or The Meadow again, right?)
STEP 3 RINSE & REPEAT!
You’re soooo prepared and capable of sustaining what you’ve already created and put into place for yourself…
It’s time to reap the juicy benefits.
LIVE your new life (or new goal, new relationship, new plan – or a tiny slice of whatever IS your new “normal”)….
I’m soooo proud and excited for you, Bella! You’ve totally got this!
Stressed by changes happening in your life? Unsure how to navigate the uncertainty and overwhelm? I’ve got your back.
Book a FREE Clarity Chat with me on my calendar by clicking this button.
Are you navigating a difficult change and transition? Were you happy in The Hills and now you’re NOT?
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Tell me how you’ve experienced change and transition in your life.
What resonates most for you about The Hills? Leave me your comments in the space below (and thanks for sharing!).